I’ll be honest, in regards to the zeitgeist I’m old. At 32 I’ve learned such things as how to preface an irrefutable fact. What I have not learned is how to start a TikTok channel. For reasons that are not bipartisan, I have never downloaded the app. Just didn’t get the concept until later on, and by then Instagram Reels was a comparable alternative. Maybe Insta isn’t quite to the second up to date, but for me that’s no harm no foul.
“You mean its like Vine?”
So Bipolar Genie was going to be the name of my TikTok channel. Got the channel idea talking to a Bipolar 2 friend who was going to produce for me. But as it usually turns out, people with BP are unreliable. Sad truth, but in my life I’ve had something like 4/4 bipolars burn me hard after an initial friendship. Obviously not including myself, I’ve never burned anybody…
Point is, I thought I was going to have a partner in this. Someone to bounce ideas off of and more importantly, reign me back when necessary. As it turns out, I’m bipolar baby so I’ve got plenty of ideas. So it would be nice to have someone who could at least grammar check me, but I digress. I believe I posses the discipline to see my ideas of the BP variety written permanently using this exciting new medium. Disciplined enough to hit publish though?
I fear going at this new venture without someone’s approval. Is that sick? Like I want someone who says “This piece looks great now that I corrected your use of the word peace, hit send.” Continuing the fanciful head cannon… “You’re hilarious babe, love you to the moon and back!” Someone’s got that, why not me?
Anyway until I have a partner in TikTok, I think I’ll just stick to writing and publishing direct here on Substack. Although from what I can tell using Instagram Reels, manic personalities do well on that medium. But I don’t want to express my manic like that, because my manic is MANIC. Fun for me and maybe an audience, but radioactive to everything else.
As I heard a comedian say recently, “This is the first time in human history that you can ruin your life sitting in the living room by yourself.” His point was you can make a lot of mistakes while drinking and texting in 2023. This shit can be with you forever.
But that’s essentially what I’m risking, how vulnerable I feel although stone sober. Every word written here scares me but what can I say, I’m a rambling gambling man.
Sitting in my living room spouting my thoughts as I’ve been practicing in my own handwritten journals for the past few symptom free years. I use “symptom free” loosely here, but no trips to the hospital or extended psychiatric stays.
So my next five articles on here will be based of the five TikTok episodes I will not be recording anytime soon… Cheers!
Every little thing that I do, I do for Your glory Jesus. Help me not completely embarrass myself.
The fear about writing online decreases the more you write. It's helpful to always sleep on a post before hitting publish. Even when I write on my most manic days, the next day I'm usually a little more stable and can better edit.
I will always support full send on emotional vulnerability.